While I take secret delight whenever a celebrity's minuscule patch of cellulite or slightly flabby midriff is caught for all prosperity by some annoying paparazzi and then splashed across countless trashy tabloids worldwide, I have to admit that, for the most part, celebs are pretty darn good at keeping in shape.

Airbrushing! Airbrushing! I hear you shout. Yes, well, maybe… sometimes. But most of the time, those beautifully sculpted arms, flat tummies and fine derričres are all real and no doubt all the result of lots and lots of hard work.

So how do you — with your more generous helping of thighs and curvaceous everything — get that flawless figure that would go unnoticed on the red carpet?

The answer: Jane Fonda's workout video. Yip, feel that burn.

And then take off your leotard and leg-warmers and join the 21st century, where training like the stars involves far less clothing, far more kick-ass and a good dose of spirituality.

Yoga

Take a deep breath and then exhale. "Ohm". Then let the tears well up as you attempt to hold an anatomically impossible and quaintly-named pose. Don't be fooled by Gwyneth Paltrow's serene expression and Christy Turlington's lithe form, not all yoga is cat stretches and quiet contemplation. Proof? Madonna — one of yoga's biggest fans — has the strength and body fat of most Olympians. And vast oceans of inner calm. Obviously…

What is it? Yoga — and there are various forms — is a mind/body practice which involves holding a variety of poses that require flexibility, strength and balance.

Why do it? It'll tone and strengthen your body, giving you long and lean muscles. It has the additional benefits of relaxing you, focusing your mind and keeping you healthy.

What do you need? The only equipment you will need to get started is a yoga mat. Most gyms offer yoga classes or, if you would prefer to do it on your own, there is a wide range of yoga books and DVDs.

Pilates

Pilates is so hot right now. Yip, even Paris has been known to dabble in this posture-changing technique. But don't let that put you off; there are many other celebs who also swear by it including Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman and Elizabeth Hurley.

What is it? Developed by Joseph Pilates at the beginning of the 20th century, Pilates is a practice which focuses on the core postural muscles which keep the body balanced and provide support for the spine. The exercises teach awareness of breathing and control over the body, whilst at the same time increasing flexibility and strength.

Why do it? Not only will Pilates greatly improve your posture and alleviate backache, like yoga, it will also reduce stress and strengthen and elongate your muscles.

What do you need? Because Pilates relies rather strongly on the correct execution of the exercises, it's a good idea to do it with a properly qualified teacher. Many gyms offer Pilates classes. Although the equipment can be quite sophisticated, you can probably get started with a mat, balls, resistance bands and Pilates' rings.

Budokon

What do Courteney Cox Arquette and Jennifer Aniston have in common? 'Friends' — and one of them is Budokon founder Cameron Shaye. These classy celebs are following the 'way of the spiritual warrior'.

What is it? Budokon is a hybrid 'martial art' that integrates yoga, martial arts and meditation. Emphasis is placed on controlling the body and concentrating the mind, whilst at the same time maintaining gravity-defying postures.

Why do it? The standard yogic motivations — strength, flexibility, toning and relaxation — with the added martial arts benefits of speed, agility, precision and improved stamina.

What do you need? Budokon classes have not yet made their way to South Africa, but you can order do-it-yourself DVDs through Amazon or the Budokon website (www.budokon.com). Alternatively take up the ancient art form of Tai Chi, which follows a fairly similar principle.

Aerobic striptease

There is only one name really worth mentioning here. Carmen Electra. The former Pussycat Doll/actress/model has tapped into a market of slightly more adventurous/younger home exercisers with her franchise of aerobic striptease DVDs, with titles ranging from 'Fit to Strip' to 'In the Bedroom'.

What is it? Horny males everywhere sigh with disappointment when they realise that Carmen doesn't actually strip down to her birthday suit (and then they give the DVDs to their girlfriends). Basically, it's just like any other cardio dance routine, but it involves a bit more booty-shaking and seductive posing.

Why do it? It is something different, which will break the tedium of your training routine. And hey, you might even learn a few tricks and build some sexy confidence in the process.

What do you need? While some gyms do offer classes, you might be more comfortable doing this at home where no one can see you. Get your hands on one of Carmen's frisky DVDs… and maybe some nice lingerie. Just for fun.

Boot camp

Okay, so maybe this doesn't involve donning army fatigues and pandering to a drill sergeant, but 'boot camp' sounded so much cooler than 'resistance training'. Once again, there is one name that stands out above the rest. Yip, you guessed it, Jessica. We are, of course, referring to both Ms Biel and Ms Simpson.

What is it? Repetitive exercises using the body's weight or light weights/elastic bands as resistance. Think squats (lots of them), lunges, push-ups and every painful exercise you can imagine involving a medicine ball.

Why do it? Watch 'Blade Trinity' and 'Dukes of Hazard'. Need I say more?

What do you need? A drill sergeant, a good pair of cross-trainers and perhaps a psychological evaluation.

So, there you have it. Now go out and exercise frantically… Or take a stroll down to the supermarket, get your hands on a bunch of tabloids and smirk at celeb flaws. Go on, you know you want to.