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Today, 21 March 2010

› Malema: Beware of journalists

› Lukewarm hospitality

› Something is rotten...

› Cars stoned on R50

› Flame-grilled Floyd

Yesterday, 20 March 2010

› Malema in 'danger' - ANC

› Zille cheers 'engagement'

› Zille set to swallow ID

› 'Eskom imported labourers'

› ANCYL shreds protest

Question
I was raped by my own cousin and his friend a couple of months ago. I told the police and my family, but nobody believes me.

My family says he isn't the type, but he did this. He also held a gun to my head and he's also been threatening me.

What should I do?

Answer
Contact a rape helpline and take it from there. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Only you can judge what is or is not safe, in a situation that might change from day to day or even hour to hour, so I can't advise you on what else to do — only compliment you on the strength you showed to speak out about it even though you were not believed and still are not being heard.

It is possible that if you keep on telling the story and refusing to allow yourself to be silenced, eventually someone will believe you. It is their denial that gets in the way; they don't want to admit that someone close to them can rape.

There is no "type" that rapes — maybe you should ask these people what they think the "raping type" might be, so that as they start to explain, they can see for themselves that there is no such thing.

Your cousin must be aware of this possibility, that you might not be silenced either by threats or denial; he's only threatening you now because he himself feels threatened, as he should do, since he is a criminal.

I'd suggest that you talk to trained people who know about rape and can support you, until you feel strong enough to make some further decisions about your life. You might also want to explore some basic methods of self defence or protection, and of course you'll avoid being alone with him or vulnerable to further attack by him, as much as you can.

But at the end of the day, it is the rapist, not the victim, who is responsible for a rape, and if all you can do is survive it and carry on with your life, that is not a small thing.

Women can be victorious over rape and the intentions of the rapist, which at their foundation are not sexual but are about power and control.