Could it be possible I became this way to counteract the abuse towards my children and myself?

Answer
It is entirely possible; and even though your adoptive home was stable and loving, who knows what painful memories may be deeply buried within your unconscious mind through early separation from your natural mother.

While this is not well supported scientifically, there are many stories around suggesting that memories and emotions can be retained from early infancy, arising to cause otherwise inexplicable problems later.

Shopping and spending (as with other addictions) becomes a way of escaping from a painful situation or painful emotions, of getting into a different headspace which is like a fantasy world, a place where you can have anything or change anything or be anyone, (other than yourself of course). "Retail therapy", some people call it!

The problem is, if you start to live too much in that world of possibilities, you begin to lose connection with the "real" world, the one you go back to each day. That is the world where you and your family live and where bills have to be paid, with interest.

It is a world where possibilities have become realities and where actions have consequences. By confronting denial as you have, you are re-entering that world which can be a difficult thing to do — it takes a lot of courage and determination.

In situations of addiction, I do not personally believe that it is a priority to develop insight, that is to understand "why" you are doing something or using something in an addictive way. It may be interesting, and it may also be comforting, it may ultimately be healing, but the first priority is to stop the addictive behaviour and start dealing with the emotions, relationships, challenges or demands that you have been avoiding through your addiction.

Insight will not enable you to do this. The search for insight and understanding can even become a distraction, part of denial's strategy to get you doing "anything" so long as it doesn't confront or prevent the actual behaviour.

We can also say that in psychology, it is a fallacy that if we understand the cause of something, we will be able to cure it. Human behaviour is too complex for that approach. Experience teaches that it is more effective to work around solutions — actions that produce observable change — and focus on those.

You may need to explore the thoughts that go through your mind when you're in a buying situation, the immediate triggers to spending - not motivations located in the distant past, but the thought, emotion or desire that has you reaching for your credit card "right now".

You can explore your childhood and past relationships endlessly without ever recognising the triggers or antecedents that keep your habit going - and you will be no better off.

I would suggest getting into therapy with someone who specialises in "cognitive behavioural therapy" or some other short-term, outcomes-orientated approach. It might also be a good idea to contact a reputable clinic where addictions are treated as they will be able to direct you to local resources such as a support group. If you find that you cannot beat the addiction on your own, you might even want to try a few weeks of residential treatment and therapy.

You sound very determined and I'm sure that you will find a way out of this that is right for you and your family. Admitting that you have a problem and taking responsibility for it is more than half of the battle.