He always blames others or the system for his problems. He is very quiet and seems to be "thinking" all the time. He had a good job for a couple of weeks but quit because they didn't pay him the correct amount.

With what little money he did have, he got drunk.

It seems he doesn't have the ability to think about tomorrow. It has to be some kind of mental illness.

We come from a Mother who was neglectful and also an alcoholic.

A strong example of his behavior is that he did cocaine the night before he was supposed to see his parole office just to "*&%$ the guy off.

I want to understand but I don't. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sometimes I feel he should be committed.

Answer
I don't think alcoholism is exactly an illness - it's more of a condition of life that all are vulnerable to, but some more than others.

The weird thing is, how similar alcoholics are, how similar their excuses are. We know that human beings are endlessly individual, each one is unique - but when people use drugs and alcohol, they become boringly, depressingly and even despairingly alike.

There is a very clear genetic basis for addictions - if one generation has an addict in it, as you do in your family, the next generation probably will as well. But alcoholism is not inherited like brown eyes are: you do have a choice, you can avoid the downward slide, by being honest about what is happening and listening when people say things you don't want to hear.

Perhaps people inherit the tendency to become addicted to a substance - but the decision to open that bottle and drink it (and another and another), or to place yourself in a situation where alcohol is available when you know how hard it is to say "no", is still yours.

Recovery starts with a single step...

As you probably know from your mom, alcoholism is a "disease of denial". As long as the person is putting their relationship with alcohol before all other relationships, they will never accept any responsibility whatsoever and will never "get it" no matter what is done for them.

His response to his parole officer is actually typical of this pattern - if he accepted that the officer was trying to help him, that might require HIM to do something on his side to help himself, and THAT would constitute a threat to the addiction.

Since any threat to the addiction is unthinkable, he has to find a way of undermining the help, which is what he did.

Alcoholics start turning their lives around when they finally admit that the problem a) does matter and, and
b) is bigger than they are.

They will have to find new resources to overcome it, and this usually means turning to a group like AA who will advise, support and confront them, providing them with opportunities to go to AA every single day if they need to and with a "mentor" who helps them through each step of the way.

Few alcoholics will do this voluntarily: they need to be forced, either by their families becoming "adamant" that the addiction will no longer be tolerated, or by circumstances like being arrested and charged (drunk driving or having a road accident is a common wake up call for alcoholics, alternatively some kind of health breakdown).

For families afflicted by alcoholism, there is an organisation worldwide called "Al Anon". Alanon helps you understand the influence of addiction and the part played by other people in keeping the addiction going. That might be very helpful for you, since your life has already been scarred by your mother's drinking.

I would suggest that you give them a call (their number should be in your local phone directory) and find out if there is a group near you that you can visit.