Swinging is hitting the headlines in South Africa, with news articles and radio programmes on the subject. What is swinging?

Swinging is defined as alternative lifestyle where other people's sexual acts become part of a couple's own sex life.

Swingers fall into four categories:

• "Erotic" swingers keep their hands off other people but enjoy watching what goes on in a swinger club, it turns them on to each other.
• "Soft" swingers allow contact (dancing, cuddling, kissing, petting) with other people but not penetrative sex.
• "Full" swingers are the same but allow sex. The sex or whatever may be private or watched, depending on how the participants feel (or so the advocates of swinging would say).
• "Hardcore" swingers are those who are sexual thrill seekers, people who will do anything sexually with anybody under any circumstances.

The more exclusive and elite swinger clubs do not allow hardcore swinging. They describe themselves as "wining and dining in an erotic atmosphere". Sexy clothing and erotica are part of the experience of swinging, but not orgies of alcohol, drugs or violence.

Points for swinging

• It saves marriages from sexual boredom or sameness, spices up sex life, is fun.
• It brings back the excitement of the early courting days. If done in a managed way e.g. through structured club with clear ground rules, is not harmful or abusive. People want to have fun.
• It enables exploration of sexuality including bisexuality of women (not men)and encourages openness about sex and sexual freedom which can have positive effect on the family.
• It prevents deceit, dishonesty, and adultery where adultery is defined as cheating on your partner.

Often swinging is the man's idea but the wife controls what happens in a well managed club.

Many people are naturally either voyeuristic or exhibitionistic and swinging allows them to express this in a non-threatening way. Every person has the right to say no to anything that makes them uncomfortable. Morality is relative.

Swinging is an alternative form of marriage, not a replacement for marriage. Many swingers are high income earners, competent in their jobs and strong in their families.

Points against swinging

• It may save marriages from affairs but distorts intimacy and closeness through the overemphasis on fantasy and the involvement of third parties.
• What is the point of "saving" a marriage from a dishonest affair if this is the alternative? Adultery is still adultery, dishonest or not, and the relationship will no longer be a marriage in a normal sense, particularly if sexual intercourse is involved.
• In reality many abuses take place in swinger clubs which can become glorified sex clubs.
• It is mentally and physically risky.

The last word

Swinging involves a highly self-centred understanding of sexuality, based on obtaining thrills and satisfaction.

Sexism, racism and homophobia are potentially integral parts of swinging.

People may feel pressured to participate out of fear of losing their partner. Swinging might be fun for a while but often the "alternative lifestyle" does not last.

What happens to those who are drawn into it and get badly hurt? There are other ways to put the spice back into your marriage and sex life without breaking down moral codes that have supported social and emotional life for centuries. Swinging is countercultural and attracts immature, narcissistic personalities who are morally weak, wealthy or not.

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