Emptiness makes you feel as if you are hollow on the inside. I recently asked a friend "how are you feeling?" and he replied "I feel like I'm rattling around over the face of the earth". This response overflows with a feeling of being lost and alone. Or the 'empty' feeling.

It speaks of experiencing yourself as having no sense of belonging or purpose. If you ask yourself the question: "How am I feeling right now?" and the answer is "empty" or "numb", for no apparent reason, it is a sure sign of being disconnected from yourself or blocking off from your own feelings.

The past often hides away inside

This suggests that you are either repressing deep pain or fear or maybe you have experienced a pattern of being neglected, probably from an early age. I have often facilitated quiet meditations with people to help them to make contact with their deep inner core and often they will say "I feel nothing".

Neglect or trauma in our past can make us hide away our precious souls that we don't even know how to begin to connect with our sacred inner selves.

Being separate from yourself is the ultimate loneliness. We are neglected as children if our needs and wants are continually not heard and we are left to our own devices(neglect becomes child abuse when a child is not touched or cared for at all).

Self validation

One of the most important self development processes is deficient in this type of upbringing: that of validation.

The journey of understanding, trusting and responding to your feelings, begins when your early caretakers regard and direct your myriad of emotions in a loving way. This validation process empowers you to makes sense of your unique needs, wants and responses to the world and in this way you begin the journey of knowing who you really are on the inside.

As an adult we self validate ourselves by continually confirming who we are through our words, actions and life decisions. We also self validate by finally accepting ourselves with all our shortcomings.

Don't keep running away from yourself

Problems will arise if you simply focus on filling the void. And fill it we do, with grand plans, with holidays or expeditions. We devour volumes of self help books or study psychology. We even take the empty feeling literally, as being hunger and we binge on food, cigarettes, take drugs and generally put whatever we can into our mouths.

Keeping yourself busy is another way to dull the experience of yourself. Unfortunately, at the end of every busy patch there's always a lull and then 'empty' returns with a sick familiarity. It must be said that it is invigorating and vital to do exciting things, you just need to locate your intentions. If you are doing all because of a need to run away from yourself it is an impossible task.

The more lasting solution to filling the void is to begin to have a relationship with yourself that is meaningful and enjoyable enough to sustain you through the empty moments.

The ages 30, 40 and 50, bring times of deep inner contemplation and re-evaluation of yourself and your life. We think about all we have done and especially what we have not done. At 30 it is a good time to consider how social conditioning has made an impact on your direction and choices in your life. For instance, we have been taught that being selfish is wrong and that taking care of others and sacrificing our own wants and needs is real giving.

Don't give in to your ego

On top of this our ego-driven model of living then coaches us to believe that we can only be fulfilled if we are young, attractive, thin and have loads of all the right things. The end result is that we feed our self-esteem from the outside first. In other words we focus on others needs and on what others think or say about us; we strive to have the most stylish career, the most chic clothes, the most envied relationship, the apartment with all the trimmings and so on.

This can be termed the weak ego. Believing that we will find the answer to self fulfillment and happiness from acquiring more or doing more. Social conditioning has brought us up in a way that actually diminishes real self knowledge and grounded self esteem. Your search for happiness is really your yearning for your own self.

The biggest test of how you really value yourself is when you imagine being stripped of everything and then ask the question: Can I still respect, accept, trust and nurture myself?

Can you answer "I am" and "feel" connected to your beautiful life force within which feels solid and fluid at the same time. You are. That is enough. This takes enormous courage.

Steps for healing

  • Be still with yourself and allow yourself to contemplate who you really are, on the inside. Learn to meditate or pray;

  • Begin a validation journal and start to record thoughts and feelings (not events) once a day;

  • Practice focusing on the here and now as often as you can. Remind yourself that you really only have this moment. Stop worrying about the future and rehashing the past;

  • Make a commitment to yourself to protect and treasure your life force energy, everyday, in a positive and gentle way. Only through practicing acceptance can you begin to change;

  • Begin now to say positive affirmations every morning like: “I trust my inner feelings,” “ I am really a beautiful soul of light and I deserve the best that life has to offer,” “I am supported by and connected to myself in a healthy way.” Affirmations are hopes for the future.

  • Also remember to be gentle with the negative aspects of yourself, give up self judgement!

  • Realize that you cannot control how the world treats you but that you can control how you treat yourself and the world. You always have choice.

  • Self knowledge and discovering your uniqueness takes courage. Whichever of the many routes you choose, approach yourself tenderly and remember to keep your sense of humour close by.

  • Open yourself to love by softening your heart. Recognize the beauty and wonder in the world and in others. Discover your connection to the Divine or to your own godliness within. The most healing way to fill your internal void is to begin the journey towards love.

    • Note: It is important for me to say that if your feeling of emptiness is so overwhelming that you are depressed or unable to function adequately at work or in your personal life you should seek professional help.


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