I have been here before. Lately it seems I have been here too often, but as my legs pound into the treadmill, my arms pumping like a cartoon character on speed, my face slowly turning a bright shade of red, it is none other than Paris Hilton who pulls me through it.

I have officially been training at Transfit for two months now and things are going incredibly well. I am fitter than I have been in years, my clothes are starting to feel tight in all the right places and I swear I spotted an ab muscle the other day — the light was just right.

But as my second assessment approached — and my halfway mark — I was worried that my improvement would not be as impressive as the first. Hence the inclusion of my Ipod in my assessment arsenal, jam-packed with beats guaranteed to lift my performance, including a remix of one of the lovely Miss Hilton’s more impressive tracks…

First up is the weigh-in, and while I still have issues about my body, I find it easier to go through the measuring process. I have dropped more weight than last month, which was unexpected while happily the inches are dropping off my gut and being added to my puny guns.

Last month I made massive improvements to my time trial on the run, which means this time around it was going to be a hell of lot more difficult to cut any time off – hence the music to inspire me... blocking out everybody else is just a bonus.

I start off faster than usual and attack the first kilometre, and while my split is pretty good, I start to feel it in the second turn. My legs start to feel like jelly, my feet like lead and my head like jelly and I am breathing like an overweight bulldog chasing down a stray piece of sausage…

In the end I manage to cut a decent chunk off my time, but the effort costs me any improvement on the row — the less said about that, the better.

As I move into the push-ups and sit-ups I begin to realise that it is going to become harder to gain large improvements. John agrees — to a point — and reckons I say that every month. I later find out he thinks I am cheating on my diet and will keep a check on that. I am not sure how, but it would not surprise me if they have spot-checks from Transfit.

My assessment ends with the bike. My legs are seizing up, my chest feels like it is about to explode, but from nowhere I get a second wind and power through it. The results overall are pretty impressive and judging by where I started I am well on my way. I won’t be running the Comrades next week — too late anyway — but who knows, maybe some day?

Perhaps Paris can pull me through it.

Below you can take a look at my assessment results.

Measurements:

  • Weight: 87.1kg - 80.7kg
  • Chest: 101.5 - 102.5
  • Right arm: 32 - 33.5
  • Left arm 30 - 31.5
  • Upper waist 92 - 80.5
  • Lower waist: 93 - 87
  • Right upper thigh: 55 - 56
  • Right lower thigh: 46 - 47.5
  • Left upper thigh: 57 - 57.5
  • Left lower thigh: 46 - 48
  • Right calf: 41 - 38
  • Left calf: 42.5 - 40

    Total centimetres lost: 14

    Assessment times:

  • Push-ups (1 minute): 53 - 55
  • Sit ups (1 minute): 37 - 40
  • Run (2km): 9.28 - 8.37
  • Row (1km): 3.31 - 3.31
  • 10min bike: 3.68km - 4.43km

  • Rob will be tracking his progress in a bi-weekly column so be sure to follow what is certain to be an emotional and amusing journey for our out-of-shape sports pundit right here on iafrica.com.

  • Any comments — or advice — for Rob? Have you say below!

  • To contact John Meintjes give him a call on 082 564 8594 or e-mail him at john.transfit@gmail.com

  • To get in touch with Transfit: e-mail them at info@transfit.co.za / or visit their website.


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