Reader's Digest offered a group of doctors a chance to tell it like it really is, and GPs, surgeons, psychiatrists, obstetricians and other specialists took the challenge. Some wanted to be anonymous; some didn't care. But all of them revealed funny, frightening, and downright shocking things that can help you be a better, smarter patient.

Shocking stats

Many doctors are terrible at washing their hands. One study found compliance with guidelines was only 7.6 percent, with a quarter of the doctors observed never cleaning their hands at all.
- American Journal of Infection Control

One-third to a half of all graduating doctors in South Africa migrate to the US, UK and Canada at a huge cost to the country.
- The International Research Centre

Fifty-seven percent of GPs don't have their own GP. Up to 25 percent would treat themselves or not seek treatment for conditions such as alcohol or drug abuse.
- Royal Australian College of General Practitioners

Forty-six percent of doctors admit to having turned a blind eye at least once to an impaired or incompetent colleague.
- Annals of Internal Medicine

Seventy-nine percent of doctors would report a medical error to the patient — but only 21 percent would want to inform the hospital.
- New Zealand Medical Journal

Annoying patients

I am utterly tired of being your mother. Every time I see you, I have to say the obligatory "you need to lose some weight". But you swear you "don't eat anything" or "the weight just doesn't come off", and the subject is dropped. Then you come in here complaining about your knees hurting, or how your back is killing you, your feet ache, and you can't breathe when you walk up half a flight of stairs. So I'm supposed to hold your hand and talk you into backing away from that box of biscuits. I get tired of repeating the stuff most patients just don't listen to.
Cardiologist

I am always perplexed by the slow speed of undressing that goes on at the doctors. I sometimes feel like I am trapped in a bizarre pensioner striptease show.
Dr Tim Cunningham, GP

In all the books usually written by people who have never had children, they say go in with a birth plan. It's the biggest load of rubbish. If you're having your first baby you can't know what you'll really want. I've had people saying, no matter what, they don't want pain relief. That just tells me you're a first-timer and have never done it before. No-one will do anything to you that you don't want — if they do, it could be assault.
Dr Gino Pecoraro, obstetrician

The dreaded shopping list of ailments takes a day off my life every time. I'm not sure if patients are ignorant or arrogant, but the time we can spend with a patient is limited. It's like asking a builder to fix a stuck door and saying, "While you're here, I want you to build a deck and a spare room in the same time and for the same price".
Dr Geof f Cunningham, GP

One of the things that bugs me is people who leave their cell phones on. I'm running on a very tight schedule, and I want to spend as much time with patients as I possibly can. Use that time to get the information and the process you need. Please don't answer the call.
James Dillard, pain specialist

So let me get this straight: you want a referral to three specialists, an MRI, the medication you saw on TV, and an extra hour for this visit. Gotcha. Do you want fries with that?
Dr Douglas Farrago, GP

I used to have my secretary page me after I had spent five minutes in the room with a difficult or overly chatty patient. Then I'd run out saying, "Oh, I have an emergency."
Oncologist

Medical advice

Some people think if they bring a child into the room while they're having dental work it will make a child a better patient. We keep instruments below the patient's sight line, but the child will see everything. As well as a fairly stressed patient, it's a negative. Bring them along for a check-up, but don't bring them in saying, "If you don’t clean your teeth, you will end up having an awful filling like this."
Dr John Matthews, dentist

You don't need to describe every symptom of a cold in graphic detail. You may be fascinated by the chronology of your or your beloved offspring's symptoms, but guess what — fever, runny nose, sore throat and cough is what half of the punters that day have. It's a cold.
Dr Peter Rankin, GP

The darker side

Patients just don’t take enough responsibility for how their bodies are. They will wait until there is a problem and they want something done about it right now. If you can't, then they think it's the health professional's fault.
Dr Patrick Sim, chiropractor

In many ways, doctors are held to an unrealistic standard. We are never, ever allowed to make a mistake. I don't know anybody who can live that way.
Dr James Dillard, pain specialist

In most branches of medicine, we commonly deal with old people. So we become much more enthusiastic when a young person comes along. We have more in common with them and are more attracted to him or her. Doctors have a limited amount of time, so the younger and more attractive you are, the more likely you are to get more of our time.
Family doctor

Patients often have to wait a long time — it's not because we don't think you're important or don't care about you, but we are looking after people who are potentially sicker than you are. And though we're doing our very, very best and want to be as alert as we can, the reality is at 3am it doesn't matter how much sleep you had during the day, you’re still likely to be tired.
Dr Alex Markwell, emergency registrar

Doctors are only interested in whether they are inconvenienced — most don't care if you have to wait for them.
Family doctor

At least a third of what doctors decide is fairly arbitrary.
Heart surgeon

We use a lot of abbreviations between colleagues in the medical profession. The most common of these include: PFO = pissed and fell over; LOL NAD = little old lady, not acutely distressed; WOMBAT = waste of medical brains and time; and FLK = funny-looking kid.
Dr John Bonning, emergency specialist

The sensitive side

Though we don't cry in front of you, we sometimes do cry about your situation at home.
Paediatrician

Most of us haven't been to see our own doctors in five years.
Physical medicine specialist

I love helping my patients with depression. "Coughs, colds and sore holes" are easy to deal with and a minor inconvenience, but helping someone through their depression changes lives.
Dr Geoff Cunningham, GP

When a parent asks me what the cause of her child's fever could be, I just say it's probably a virus. If I told the truth and ran through the long list of all the other possible causes, including cancer, you'd never stop crying. It's just too overwhelming.
Paediatrician

People who come in for the first time with no idea what they could be facing are usually cheerful, trying to be positive, and when they leave the room the despair is often written all over their faces. More often than not it is complete shock that they might have to get their affairs in order. The ones that walk out after hearing these horrid diagnoses and can still be polite and smile are astonishing.
Dr Paul Bannon, cardiac surgeon

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